I'm On A Boat: The Beginning of the Greatest Birthday Weekend Ever

So my birthday wasn't too long ago, and needless to say, I did my best to celebrate in style. We were going to have banners and streamers and all that birthday festivity shit that makes anyone who is not celebrating their birthday on the exact same day violently angry, but once the keg was tapped, there was basically no stopping the action to hang up things that were going to be annoying to take down when I got around to it. Next year.

My actual birthday was a Monday and since everyone knows you can't celebrate anything on a Monday because Mondays suck, we decided to do celebrate every single day of the weekend. Friday, we had a keg party. Needless to say, at the end of the night, I went to bed alone and woke up in the morning with my friend and a boy neither of us knew. Good times.

Saturday, we had a fraternity philanthropy event, so needless to say, the moment I woke up at 9 am, I traveled down the stairs, grabbed a coffee cup and filled it with keg beer.

Don't act like you've never done it.

I then traveled back upstairs, put I'm On A Boat on repeat from my iPhone and blasted it for the whole house to wake up and enjoy life as much as me. I may or may not have still been drunk from the night before.

Once we arrived to the volleyball tournament, a very somber event that involves heavy drinking, drunk volleyball, inappropriateness, slip and slides and a bounce house all in the name of mentally challenged kids (note my politically correctness, please and thank you).

Because across college campuses everywhere, I'm On A Boat has become the greatest song to ever be recorded, we decided we needed to create a boat in order to make the day complete. Read: we found a pickup truck, put a tarp in it to keep the water in, and then filled it with water. Greatest. Boat. Ever. And if you were so lucky to walk by when we were in full action, we would scream at you to GET. IN. THE. BOAAATTTT!!!! until you did. I'd say we were about half successful in actually getting people in the boat.. but we got a dog in it, so I say win win.

Saturday night (still haven't stopped drinking), we all dressed (how we look like normal human beings with makeup on is so far beyond me) and headed to the post-volleyball fest band party. I'm gonna be honest. I think all I did was run circles around the bar, run up to the front of the stage and dance, and then continue to run circles. All while holding a pitcher of beer and drinking straight from it because my cup was taken up when I was trying to give underage kids beer.

Haters.

Sunday we woke up and decided we had been on a binge-fest (we'd drank everyday since Tuesday), so we needed to seriously take it slow.

We were at our favorite bar at 4.

I would say Sunday was possibly the greatest and strangest day of my life. And that's saying a lot.

Because I love a good cliff hanger, I'm gonna leave y'all to ponder what could possibly happen on a Sunday Funday in Knoxville TN when you're me.

It's like a fun game. Not as fun as the breathalyzer game, but still a good time. Get creative and have your people call my people.

If you're not feeling creative, just watch this. I suggest memorizing T-Pain's dance. WAY more fun and impressive than not knowing it.