you heard it here first

i think it's important to keep up with, and be ahead of fashions. i mean, you don't want to be at a party wearing a jean jacket and have a random boy come up to you and tell you jean jackets are way too 90's to be wearing to a party. not that that's happened to me... i mean.. um...

moving on.

so anyway, saturday, i went to my friend's apartment because after i got off work, i wanted to booze and figured i should call the person i had informal formal with the night before, as the price of the drinks were split between us and i didn't want to cut her out.

once i got to her apartment carrying an evan william's container that looked like mouthwash and a half case of natty light, she informed me a girl we used to know, but had to divorce because she was too much of a ho was coming over and bringing wine for them to do an english project.

the project was in a class about lord of the rings and they were going to take pictures to send to argum or something like that. i would probably know a little more of it had i cared. besides, i was reading the chelsea handler q&a in playboy. no time for finding out the reason they were dressed up like crazy people.

so they decided, in order to be more lord of the rings-ish, they needed to put some eye bling on. what is eye bling? it's those rhinestone things that people thought were really cool in like, 1999.. they look a little like this...


totally classy.

so, they adhere their rhinestones and go to take pictures, leaving me in the apartment with a full beer. i decided i wanted to make my own little design on my hand, because it was subtle and yet fabulous.

an hour and 6 beers later, i decided to leave said hand bling on for the rest of the evening.

awesomeeeeee plan.

so we rampage around knoxville for a little, and end up at one of the bars on the strip. i have all of no money on my bank account because i decided beer and krystal's was the way to spend my money the night before, and so i did what all classy people do - snuck natty light cans into the bar and drank it little by little out of shot glasses.

class.

so after a little bit, we're standing semi-near the door and in walks a group of girls who are wearing eye bling. and they are wearing it like they are proud - with extra glitter around it for the added pop.

i decide the best move i can make in this situation is to turn to her and say you!?! and point to her eye bling and then, me!!!! and show her my hand bling. she was mighty excited.

her: "OH MY GOD. DON'T YOU LOVE THE BLING!"

me: "TOTALLY! it's like a disco ball, but better!"

her: "i'm like.. OBSESSED with glitter. anything glitter and you send it over here!"

me: "i can tell. i mean, i like your eye shadow. OOH. i think you'll appreciate this. have you ever heard of a little publication called vogue?"

her: "totally. i loveee it."

me: "oh my god isn't it great? well. my mom is the editor and chief there (lie) and she and i were talking today about bling and she told me they're doing an expose in the feb '09 magazine all about how hand bling is the new bracelet kinda like when pink was the new black."

her: "shut up."

me: "i'm totally serious. you should totally tell your friends because obv by feb 09, it's gonna be too late because it'll be like.. everywhere."

her: "totally. i will. thanks!"

i then told her to have a great night and definitely tell her friends, then turned around to my friends while still listening to her to see if she would fill her friends in on this great fashion forwardness, or keep it to herself so she could act like her mom was the editor in chief at Vogue and she'd come up with it.

in true bling loving form, she turned to her friends and said "oh my god, yall. hand bling? new bracelet. we totally have to do it."

yes.

i swear, if i see hand bling popping up all over the country, i will pee myself from laughter.

christmas tree cakes are the lifeblood of the holiday season

sooo.. i wrote this on my phone last night and meant to send it to myself to post later, but i typed it in wrong and sent it to some random person. he wrote my back to let me know and also said he hoped i got off to sleep alright.

embarssing.

Days off rock my socks. And I mean literally bc I've been sporting some really rocking socks all day.

Anyway, today was my day off (hells yes my weekend ran long!! Only not really since I had to work Sunday..). Moving on! So I like days off. No one can tell you what to do and you can wear your Pj's all day. And who doesn't like a good pair of pajamas? Nobody.

A few weeks ago, our remote to the tv was stolen during a party and so the tv only plays DVDs. While making a horrendously loud noise that gets louder as you turn up the volume. Therefore, I spent all day in bed except to get up for food, and once to walk to the store 30 ft from my house to buy a 32 oz fountain cherry coke, Christmas tree cakes and vanilla wafers.

And who said healthy eating dies on college campuses?!

Now my only problem with my day of lounging is that I've been in a near comatose state all day and have to get up in 5 hours and am no where near tired.

Damn you hulu.com for contributing to my demise!!

strangers, waiting.. up and down the boulvard

sometimes, i like to think of my life as a game of clue. a sort of "who dunnit" at any given time. mainly, when things that have alcohol in them is involved, but even on my soberist of days.

i had to work this morning at 8, so being the responsible 22 year old that i am, i went to a bar to see an 80's cover band called the velcro pygmies. when the night began, i promised myself i wouldn't stay til last call and i wouldn't get too drunk so that i wouldn't have a problem getting up this morning.

i went to my friend's house to pregame, as no one should go see an 80's cover band sober, and drank just enough to make me.. shwasted. now, for those of you who aren't sure what the term "shwasted" means, it is another term for wasted, but it's way more fun to say when you are, in fact, wasted. rolls off the tounge way better.

anyway, since i was trying to not spend money and we were going to limit the amount of alcohol ingested, we brought along our own beer. natty light in a can in a koozie at a bar is always a good time. especially when there are so many people around, no one pays attention to the fact that natty light is definitely not served at a bar. excellent.

so after our 5th canned beer, we decided to head to the bar because we were parched and out of beer. i think band parties really bring out the best in people, because my friend, who has absolutely no game whatsoever had not one but two pretty ladies on either side of him eating up everything he said. i say mystery, you say beer goggles.

anyway, since i wasn't gonna stay until the end of the night (bars close at 2:30), i called our sober ride home at 2:25. well played. the lights came on, some people were horrified by the person they were dancing with, others went home to get it on.

my friend, nat-attack and i were going to make our way downstairs when we ran into an old friend that i haven't seen in over a year since i haven't been around knoxville and he's been in colorado. hugs, "oh my god it's you!", giggle giggle.. they were all passed around.

here's where the game of clue begins.... colorado boy, nat-attack, colorado's mystery friend and i all decide my house is the house to be and we should all definitely cuddle in my queen sized bed. how we got to that point, i have absolutely no idea. as far as i know, we said heyyyy at the bar and then poof! we were all cuddling.

i will say though, 4 people in my tiny, not fit for 4 people bed was not all that bad. granted, we all passed out and woke up still drunk at 7 am after going to sleep finally at 5, but props to the sealy people.

oh, and then i came home early from work for being sick. hooray for getting out of processing shipment and taking a nap instead!

why dad, why?

my dad requested me as a friend on facebook. i have accepted and blocked him from seeing... anything. then, he requested me as a friend on myspace.

what is happening to the world?

-7

who wants to marry me?

-7 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Poor (Failure) Take the test!

no problems here!

sometimes, a fun thing to do is go here and see if you have a problem.

ok, so i've only done it once and i was shocked and proud that i, despite my love of the beer, do not have to find a way to schedule AA meetings in there as well.

now that that's all cleared up, i think i'll go have nice frosty beverage. mmmmm beer!

nobel prize nominee

i don't know about y'all, but i use my shower for a multitude of reasons beyond not smelling like the homeless man i give my beer cans to. some reasons include musical sounding device, dance party station, drunk tank and thinking cap. maybe i'm just a crazy person who likes to make everything have multiple purposes. i've heard of people doing that. i think it's a disease. or maybe that was just schizophrenia. well, either way - i like it.

anyway, tonight, the thinking cap was on. the thoughts ranged from "dear lord, my boobs look big today" to "i wonder what palin's saying to the joe six-packs in wasilla" and if i was actually hungry or just bored again. while i was weighing the pros and cons of eating, something caught my eye like a flash in the night.

suction cups.

little itty bitty, baby suction cups.

question mark?

there are little, fabulous suction cups on my shower curtain.

SUCTION. CUPS.

now i don't know if this is a regular occurrence and i have been too busy perfecting the dirrty within me to notice or if this is a shower curtain from the future, but they are FABULOUS.

there are 2 bebe (pronounced beh-beh reallly quickly) ones on the top and 2 bebe ones on the bottom and if you turn the shower curtain just so, they stick to the wall!! now i realize this is what suction cups generally do, but who would have ever thought to put them on a shower curtain to help prevent water from getting all over your floor?! GENIUSSSS!

added bonus: at the end of the shower, you can rip them from the wall and hear the fun suction cup noise! yay!

suction cups: wave of the future, or old as grandma's cake recipe?

and yes, i realize that this is one of the dumbest posts in the history of blogging.

urinals: not the greatest of bathrooms for the ladies (part 2 of 3)

on the same weekend as this story, my other best friend, jg had a little accident as well.

her way of having an accident was a little less embarrassing than my dear friend eb.

that saturday, the day of the game, we woke up at english's apartment late. it was 10 am. we were supposed to wake up to start drinking at 9. the game started at 12:30, which meant we only had 2 1/2 hours to change, get drunk and make it to the game. quite the time crunch.

luckily, jg and i are quite the pros at funneling beers. we ran back to the apartment where our clothes were, changed and went to meet english and company at their fraternity house to begin the drinking. jg and i managed to funnel 10 beers in less than an hour and made new friends to sit with at the game. eb was somewhere around, but we were mad at her about the night before so we stayed away from her for the most part.



while at the game, our new friends provided us with whiskey they had wrapped around their legs to get into the stadium (it's a dry stadium), so we managed to not lose our buzz. once tennessee beat arkansas, we decided we should go change for the night ahead, but once we saw the traffic, decided we'd stay at the frat house to drink while waiting for the traffic to clear up.

we had mimosa's, beer, wine and whiskey delivered to us while we sat on the couch and chatted up our newer friends. two hours later, we all took a field trip to my friend's apartment to have a much needed dance party and to admire the fish, as evidence here...

fish are beautiful when you've been drinking for hours and it's not even dark outside yet.

after deciding that the horrible outfits we'd spent the day drinking in were definitely fraternity band party appropriate, we all piled in the car and headed back to the house. while there, jg and i made friends with some cute senior girls and taught them how to shotgun beers. if you're thinking it's strange that they'd made it that long in college and never shotgunned a beer, you'd be thinking the same thing i was when explaining it. then i was informed they were seniors... in high school.

ahhh, the youth of america.


later, we found our friend's blanket and pillow and decided they were necessary to complete our weekend of fun and memories, as pictures didn't seem to be enough. so we threw them out his window, expecting them to be found around the side of the house for us to pick up later and no one would know any better. out the window they went, with us quickly following down the stairs to pick up our new gifts. out the front door, and straight into our pillow/blanket. turns out, his window was directly above the front door. not as sneaky as we hoped, but it seemed no one even noticed them, as people were just walking around them, not questioning a thing.


quick run to the car and victory was ours.

a few hours later, some other stuff happened, and we realized we'd gone all night and hadn't used the restroom. upon this realization, we had to find one stat.

thanks to fraternities, all bathrooms have urinals. i, like most girls, opted for the toilet. jg decided a urinal would be a fun thing to do. i'm not entirely sure what the correct way of using a urinal is when you don't have the uh.. equipment necessary to do so, but her approach is not the right way, although i'm impressed she didn't fall and break her head open.

she assessed her options, and put one leg on the urinal to the right and one leg on the urinal to the left and climbed on up, pants around her ankles, across the middle urinal. she then proceeded to relieve herself - some of which got into the urinal, but for the most part, all over her legs and pants. genius.

she then took off her pants and began to wash them off in the sink. and then, she realized her pants were soaking wet and she was in a fraternity house, with nothing but cowboy boots, a sweatshirt and a thong on her body. notttt her greatest plan.

needless to say, i went and got her boxers to finish the evening off in.

we make our parents proud.